Everyone, meet Jess! She’s a Death Doula here in Athens, Georgia and she also hosts our chapter of Death Over Drafts. Here’s a bit about her and the events before she jumps into answering all of my Death Doula questions…
A Maryland native now living in Athens, Georgia, I discovered my calling in End of Life care while living in Colorado. In 2015, I first learned about the role of a Death Doula—and instantly knew it was the path meant for me.
While death is often considered a taboo topic in American culture, I’ve always felt a deep sense of comfort and ease discussing it. Throughout my life, I’ve been passionate about helping others and have done so in a variety of ways. In 2019, I began working professionally as an organizer and have helped clients all around Athens, GA organize their physical space.
In 2023, I decided to infuse my organizing business with my passion for service and End of Life care, my detail-oriented and organized nature, and my deeply held belief that everyone deserves a good death to create Organizing Death.
Through this work, I can help you clarify your end-of-life goals, organize your belongings and assets, communicate your final wishes to loved ones, and support them in honoring those wishes—so you can leave this world knowing your legacy will be respected and remembered. www.organizingdeath.com
I was lucky to meet Jess last year while attending a Death Over Drafts meeting she hosted for the community. It was just a few weeks after the loss of my father and it helped me face some fears and questions about death in a way I’ve never experienced. Everyone was so kind and thoughtful, and I knew this was something special. Much like Jess herself!
If you don’t know about Death Over Drafts, well, here you go:
Death over Drafts was founded in 2019 when Stefanie Elkins, along with Jill Schock*, hosted the first Crafting Your Narrative Happy Hour at the Reimagine Festival in Berkeley, CA. What began as a casual gathering over craft beer became a fresh approach to talking about life, death, and everything in between.
From that first “hoppy” success, Death over Drafts grew into both in-person and virtual gatherings designed to make conversations about death, dying, and grief more approachable and even enjoyable. When the pandemic halted live events, Stefanie pivoted to virtual happy hours via Zoom, inviting guest speakers and facilitating themed discussions that blended depth with humor. In 2023, Official Co-Crafters, aka Hosts, began facilitating DoD events in communities around the country and in Canada.
*Jill has since moved on from the project. – www.deathoverdrafts.com
Jess started the Athens chapter and hosts it monthly…which is a feat that few in the organization try to make happen! She gets a toast from me *cheers* because it is a lot of work to do this. Every meeting has a different ‘presenter’ ranging from how to organize paperwork to pet grief support and more. Jess even let me chat about all things Southern Cemetery last year and I’m presenting tonight too but more on that later in the post…
So now, everyone meet Jess Dukes!
What inspired you to launch these DOD monthly meetings? And can you share a specific “aha” moment that made you realize the community needed a dedicated gathering space?
I attended my very first Death Cafe towards the end of 2020 when many of us were still nervous to gather in larger groups. But after moving here in 2019, followed by many months of quarantining, it was one of the first opportunities for me to get out and meet people. I remember being very nervous but also super excited to chat about a topic that I was very interested in. The group was great! We had cake and tea and a wonderful conversation that just flowed easily. I attended a few more over the next few years but I realized that I myself was craving more connection in the death-positive community. After completing my End of Life Doula training in 2022, I started doing “Meet a Death Doula” pop-ups at Athentic Brewing and people were so interested in learning more. In early 2025, I learned about Stefanie Elkins, the creator of Death over Drafts, and the opportunity to sign on with her as a “Crafter.” So, Athens was the first chapter in GA! Stefanie tapped into an amazing tool called The Death Deck, which was created by Lisa Paul, a Clincal Social Worker. Jess + Beer + Talking about death = my dreams have come true!!! Stefanie’s mission to create community gatherings to brew conversations on end of life was exactly what I was looking for and I’m so grateful Athentic Brewing has allowed us to use their space to do so. And Stefanie & Lisa…if you’re reading this, I hope to have a beer with you two in the near future!
What were the biggest hurdles you faced when organizing the very first meeting?
Me….I was the biggest hurdle. Everything else fell into place so easily. I was so nervous that nobody would show up that first meeting in March 2025 but they did!! Were half of them my friends? Yes…but it still counts!
What is the most memorable connection or collaboration you’ve seen form as a direct result of these meetings?
I have made so many wonderful connections from this meetup – attendees, professionals in the area, organizations that are referring their clients to the meetup…it’s pretty cool to hear about someone learned about the meetup. What’s even more amazing is watching all of the attendees build connection with each other. It makes my heart BURST with love.
How do you measure the “success” of a meeting?
By how many people walk out after learning we’re there to talk about death….just kidding! That has happened, and that is totally okay! It’s a sensitive subject that requires some vulnerability so I do not take it personally. But I guess my measurement of “success” is that each person is able to take away something they didn’t know before they walked in. As well as the volume of laughter! People who haven’t attended may assume this is a sad type of meetup but it’s the complete opposite. There is so much joy and laughter and kindness in that space, that if I feel even an ounce of that from the group, the meetup was a success in my book.
How has the demographic of your attendees shifted over time?
Since the beginning, the age range of attendees has been one of my most favorite things about this type of meetup. We’ve had people ages 18-80 come join us – each person offering a unique perspective while being open to hearing others. We’ve had retired or current hospice nurses, UGA students, yoga teachers, bartenders, musicians, and more sitting at the same table. Some who have experienced the death of a loved one, some who haven’t, some who are planning ahead for their own deaths, some who are terrified to even say the word “death.” It hasn’t necessarily shifted but expanded and I hope that keeps happening!
Can you share a story from a meeting that really resonated with you?
In the early meetups, before we really tapped into having “co-crafters”, I shared a lot about what I do as an End of Life Doula and Organizer and attendees asked great questions. Tips on how to pre-plan for yourself, or how to support someone who has lost a loved one, ways to comfort a person who is transitioning, etc. Someone that attended the first few meetups didn’t come for a few in a row, but when she returned, she told me she had missed because she was supporting a friend who was care-giving for her husband who had a terminal illness. And she would have never put herself in that position if it wasn’t for the meetings she was able to attend. She felt confident that the information I had shared would help her support her friends, their family and community. That’s why I do this. I am unable to be everyone’s doula, but I want people to feel confident and informed about how they can support their loved ones in a way that we don’t do naturally in our culture. Talk about measuring success!
How do you go about selecting the topics and guest speakers for each month?
Every month I say “this is your meetup, tell me what you want” because I truly want attendees to be active participants in choosing topics. I’ve heard some awesome suggestions of topics and have had people approach me about a specific topic that they want to share about. When it comes to the topic of death and dying, there are so many options for topics and I don’t think we’ll be running out of them any time soon!
What has been the most surprising or unconventional meeting topic you’ve hosted?
Not much is surprising or unconventional to me anymore haha I mean…I am a death doula. I’ve heard and seen a little bit of everything! If I’m surprised…you all are in for a treat!
What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from these meetings?
That it doesn’t have to be perfect. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and in the early meetups, I went in with an idea of how things were going to go or what perfectly enlightened statement I would make that will blow peoples minds! But that rarely happens. I am human. I am usually showing up to meetings after organizing all day. Or my pretzels are stale. Or I forgot something at home on my printer. But nobody is there to judge! They are just happy to have a space where they can come learn, connect, grown and have a tasty beer! (or beverage of their choosing)
If you could handpick any guest, living or historical, to speak at your meeting, who would it be and why?
Oooh…great question! I think I would pick Caitlin Dougthy. She is an author, mortician, funeral home owner, and advocate for better death care and more open conversations. She’s also really funny and a little sarcastic. Her book “From Here to Eternity – Traveling the World to Find the Good Death” was one of the first books I read when I was beginning my EOLD journey and it blew my mind that so many other cultures experience, and often celebrate death in such a different way than us and she is such an amazing storyteller that you genuinely feel like you are a witnessing these beautiful moments with her. I would let her talk for HOURS at our little ol’ meetup!
How do you ensure these gatherings remain inclusive and welcoming to newcomers?
If you have attended a meetup, you have heard me repeat the Death over Drafts “rules” at the beginning of our meeting. They are as follows: We intend for this to be a safe space for people to be open and vulnerable. This is a judgement-free zone. Try to lead with curiosity. Allow everyone to have a turn to speak. Practice listening without trying to fix others. Speak up for yourself, but participation is optional. My personal favorite “rule” is that while this isn’t a grief-support group, grief is always welcome at our table – so pull up a chair! I think giving people permission to allow whatever comes up for them a safe space makes new and returning attendees more comfortable. We also do a big cheers at the beginning because showing up to this meeting is a huge deal! Death is scary and messy and painful! But showing up to do the work is so powerful.
How do these meetings tie into your long-term visions?
I mentioned it before but I can’t be the doula for everyone, and honestly…I don’t want to! It’s hard work – mentally, physically, & emotionally! But I think something that has surprised me as I have started this venture with the DoD meetings, is that the education and conversation piece of my doula work is a lot more of a passion than I originally thought it would be. Through the conversations I’ve had, I have learned so much about how people need and want support when approaching end of life planning and transitions and it’s made me a better doula for the few clients I have served directly. Long-term, I would love to keep those conversations going with doctors, medical teams, any professionals working in the death care field, encouraging them to find ways inform people of their rights and options so they feel empowered to be the doula for their loved ones or know what they want when approaching their own death.
What is one misconception people often have about your work and DOD?
That I’m always sad. This work is the complete opposite. It’s beautiful, raw, difficult but oh so enlightening. It has forced me to focus on what is really important in life and go with the flow with the rest of it. It has made me appreciate the little things, encouraged me tell my people I love them more often – really make it weird, and go easier on myself. I have my moments of being sad and I allow myself to stay there until I’m ready to move through it but I find so much more in this work than just that one emotion.
Where can we buy your art or otherwise support your endeavors?
It still feels surreal that I have art out in the wild but I do! I have handcrafted cards at the Athens Library Store on Baxter & the Sunrise Nursery gift shop in Winterville. I also have papier-mache wall altars at Ghost in Five Points! My doula work has encouraged me to tap into some legacy projects and art is one of the things I would love to focus on. The fact that some of my pieces are hanging in random people’s home is absolutely wild!
Find more about Jess and her work on her website: www.organizingdeath.com
Thank you so much for sharing here on Southern Cemetery! I really appreciate all of the work folks put into their creative processes and I encourage you to support them whenever you can. Let’s keep the arts alive.
The next Death Over Drafts meeting is August 3rd (tonight) at 6 p.m. at Athentic Brewing here in Athens, Georgia. I will be there as a presenter! I’ll briefly chat about flowers and death culture with a strong focus on the Floriography movement, and then attendees will create a Tussie Mussie to take home. Hope to see you there! *PSST Please register so Jess knows you’re going! HERE
Also join Jess on August 31st for the upcoming (sub September) Death Over Drafts…
All Death Over Draft meetings are free and open to the public but you do have to purchase your own beverages. And one for Jess if you feel so inclined…
I share interviews because I want to support other folks who are trying to engage local and/or regional communities with history, connection, photography, etc. I’ve been lucky enough to have been supported (and still supported) by friends, family and organizations that like what I do, and I want to pay that forward! This is one of the ways I do that.
If you’d like to be considered for your own Spirited Conversation then feel free to send me an email: southerncemeteryseries@gmail.com but please note that I do require experiences to be accepting to all walks of life. Or death.
